Of Italian Sports Cars and California Electronics

"You have to try to understand his job," our friend Kevin whispers while wrapping his arm around me.

It's Saturday before my 10th wedding anniversary, and my husband Phil, an Apple product design engineer, just mentioned he's heading for China in the morning. It's not fully unexpected given the time elapsed since his last trip. But I can't hide my disappointment. I had plans for our 10th. There's a guy with a f430 who was going to leave it parked in front of our house with a ribbon on it (as a joke). And then there are the tix to see a biker bar magician in conversation with Adam Savage from MythBusters.

The month of May may be a nice time to have had a wedding, but it is also high time for designs to transition to Asian manufacturers if you want to be in stores for Christmas. I have probably spent my anniversary alone for 8 of these 10 years.

The product design lifestyle is not one to be taken lightly. I am lucky to work in the industry, giving me insight into the reasons why someone would need to be in South China. I am not sure how Apple spouses from other industries cope. If you are going to be the one to engineer the HiFi, it has to help to have a spouse who will ultimately appreciate how hard it was to tool a perfectly flat, no draft, plastic surface and how hard it was to get each thread perfectly aligned running the perimeter of a speaker cover -- a speaker cover with no warpage or bowing. It helps to have a wife that can understand so that she'll bring up your daughter while you bring up a line at Foxconn.

Now granted, other spouses might raise the kids on their own. But how many of them would raise the kids and tell you how much they love Richard Howarth's ID?

We made it through Kerbango, Treo, the HiFi, and iPhones. I didn't ask questions when I gave him a GoPro camera for Valentine's Day one year, assuming he'd use it karting, only to have him open it up and immediately tear it down. Months later, I found out that he had been working on the Nano with video at the time. The teardown made sense in retrospect.

Through the life of these projects and my own work, Phil probably knows just how much I understand his job. But since I still need to give him an anniversary gift anyway and now that the Ferrari is out, I'll do something that I can "send" to China. I will write what I believe about his job. It's for him to decide if I understand.

This is my gift to Phil on our 10th anniversary:

"A single big idea may start a project. But in the end, it's the execution of many details -- the tolerance of a key cap, the balance of battery mass, the friction of a kinematic gesture, a sensor response, the reliability of a connector, etc. -- that takes their breath away. The idea tempts imitators, but the hard work needed to create magic never does."

Surviving Silicon Valley

Back home

We’re born with a safety net

Woven with family history

And well-meaning neighbors

Bankers who have names

School nurses who laugh at the formality

Of emergency contact forms

As if our next of kin were somehow strangers

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Within the bounds of the safety net

Some fly high and soar

The trapeze suits them

Others look beyond the mesh

And wonder what it feels like to touch the ground

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Silicon Valley is life without a net

Mostly immigrants, we, nets abandoned

Invasive species whose penchant for risk-taking

Has prohibited the establishment of social norms

A path without a handrail

Eyes straight ahead to avoid dwelling on

The abyss on either side

Ephemeral jobs, transient friends, a tolerance for

Neighbors we have never even met

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In this place where we live

Each weaves new fabric

Fibers collected, our found friends and family

A ragtag collection discovered at the coffee shop, gym

Night classes, volunteer projects, and jobs that seem promising

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We weave our relationships into

Not a net, but gear appropriate for this place

Our fabric apps allow more mobility, features, and intensity of user experience

Our friends’ wisdom becomes

The straightjacket that keeps us from

Really dumb moves that might kill us

Their humor becomes

Knee pads and butt cushions

To dull the pain when we stumble

And the friends that endure beyond the occasional

Failed marriage or failed startup

Become the bandages

Healing the bloodiest wounds

From our really nasty falls

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Introverts for the most part

Still we tend our social cloth

Patterns of different ages

Reflect what we were up to when the earthquake hit

The bubble burst

Or when tragedy struck

And knocked out the lights

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If we are lucky

Inspection reveals a sturdy thread or two

Whose hue lasts when others fade

Whose length of kindness seems unending

And over the years we find

Some semblance of Security

To take the next step

On the wary path

Between adventures

Came about because

An individual thread

Knitted into our lives

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Thank you, Doug.